A Little Less Than Kind
by Saturn's Spawn
Summary: The House of Saturn is one of many secrets. Hotaru/Youko Kurama
1. Act I

_A Little Less Than Kind_

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Yu Yu Hakusho.

**Act I**

—_—_

Children are often told of how fortunate they are to live during the Silver Millennium because such a glorious state of peace and prosperity in history remains unparalleled. What does it matter then if in the backdrop of such a golden age there are a few secrets that even Queen Serenity does not know? After all, no one is really hurt.

And the House of Saturn is one of many secrets.

What does it matter when the only person whose life is truly affected by these secrets is the young Princess Hotaru? She is a pretty little girl, and pretty little girls are always meant to be seen but not heard.

And although many people see her, no one ever truly _sees_ her.

No one sees her grow older while she watches and sees and knows. But not once does she mention the private kisses shared between her mother and the baker who lives a quiet life outside the castle walls; not once does she comment on tense, quite whispers (that she is never really supposed to hear) between her mother and father that always end with anger brewing on both sides; and not once does she see fit to question why the parents of children outside the castle walls freely embrace and love their own children while hers remain cold and reserved.

And as she continues to watch and see and know, she often tells herself that lying is at times a necessary vice to hide pain even from oneself. (_But lying is still a sin and one should always repent for ones sins_)

And in the end, no matter how old Hotaru is, she still feels like a little girl: always meant to be seen but not heard.

And the House of Saturn is one of many secrets.

**Men's faults do seldom to themselves appear.**

_**Lucrece**_

—_—_

Hotaru is an observant individual; her tutor often tells her that it is a good trait to have and not a good trait to have. And she is the first to realize that an unfamiliar presence is prowling through the halls of the castle. As she discreetly follows, she hears muttered cursing, the same crude language the palace guards use when they think she is not listening, and she notices that the intruder's movements are both calculated yet agitated. He is not finding whatever it is he is searching for.

"Stupid Kuronue," she hears, "probably opened the wrong portal."

She shifts and unknowingly hits a table, alerting the intruder that he is not alone; when he turns, Hotaru sees two cunning amber eyes, and before she knows it, she is pinned against the wall. Strands of glimmering silver hair invade her line of vision in that one swift movement.

And Hotaru vaguely wondered if Sir Silver would be angry if he knew she thought him to be a beautiful individual, so Hotaru keeps her musings to herself as she continues to examine her captor. In the back of her mind, she realizes that she should have fought, should have screamed, and should have done anything to free herself from his grasp. But she doesn't. She knows that he is examining her with the same carefulness that is in her own gaze. Someone's attention is entirely focused on her.

And he _sees_ her, knows her and does not know her in a way Hotaru has craved for so long after being so thoroughly ignored by her parents (who are too engrossed in their own problems). It's nice to be noticed, to have one's existence acknowledged for what it is.

"Where is the Silver Crystal?" Sir Silver asks. The one hand holding both of her wrists above her head tightens, letting Hotaru know how easily he could hurt her should she not comply. But she isn't there. She's in a place far away where she sees her tutor explaining the importance of each of the Sailor Senshi. And she is important too.

When she comes back, she purses her lips and does not reply. Sir Silver seems irked, but not angry. Hotaru watches the quick movements of the gray ears on his head and wonders if he is conscious of their actions.

She waits for him to ask again, probably adding a death threat this time as well.

He does not, however, and Hotaru could feel the curious tilt of her head as he eyes her with a strange expression.

Sir Silver lets her go, and she is unconsciously rubbing her wrists as she continues to watch him, preparing herself for any sudden movements. He is probably doing the same.

Then he smirks, an all-too-knowing smirk, and Hotaru remembers that Sir Silver knows her and does not know her.

Hotaru finds herself entranced as she watches him back away. A dark hole appears behind him, but he never turns away, and before he enters it, Hotaru calls out to him (quietly as to not alert the guards). She asks for a name.

He bows low—Hotaru almost feels him mocking her with his actions—and replies, "Youko Kurama."

And so begins Hotaru's dance with a devil.

**The prince of darkness is a gentleman.**

**Edgar, **_**King Lear**_

—_—_

No one needs to know that the Queen of Saturn had fallen in love with a peasant in her youth, no need to bring up her all-but-forgotten plan to elope before she was arranged to marry her present-day husband, the King of Saturn. And what did it matter if she still continues this love affair to this day? As long as there is abounding peace in the atmosphere, everyone in the castle is willing to overlook her indiscretion.

It has been months since Youko Kurama first appeared in Hotaru's life, and she almost forgets that it ever happened.

She is walking down an empty corridor when she spies her mother with the baker. Immediately, she closes her eyes, turns around, and starts walking in the opposite direction.

"Quite scandalous, isn't it, Little Princess?" a familiar voice whispers and Hotaru stands frozen to her spot—far away enough that her mother wouldn't hear her but close enough that should the Queen turn around, she would find her daughter standing by the demon.

Hotaru pulls him aside—ignoring his amused expression—into the shadowed part of the corridor. Once she is certain that she is out of sight, she drops his hand and relaxes against the wall. And Youko is still so very amused, probably believing her to be an idiot for putting herself in an even more dangerous position: alone with a demon.

She sighs and looks up at him once more. She wonders if his goal had changed, but she highly doubts it.

He gives her that smirk once more, that all-too-knowing smirk, and she decidedly hates that smirk.

"Curiously enough, the portal from Makai only opens here." He states casually like he is speaking of the weather. Hotaru doesn't know what to make of his comment, so unsure of its meaning; however, perhaps she looks like knows what he is talking about, or perhaps he doesn't particularly care if she doesn't because he continues. "I still desire the Silver Crystal very much."

"I don't know how I can help you." Because she could not, and she most definitely would not.

His piercing amber eyes taunt her because he _sees_ her. Knows the insecurities that have stemmed from her childhood, from feeling unloved and neglected. She feels the knot in her throat grow larger as she stands frozen.

And he steps forward, trapping her by gracefully placing both his hands by her head, as he whispers, "Oh, but you can. You can travel to the Moon, can't you, Little Princess?"

With a false bravado that she hopes is convincing enough, she tilts her head back to face him—because he is taller than her, after all—and replies, "I will not help you."

Once more, she expects anger to be his response; however, he only laughs darkly, a sound that wraps around her like her first taste of decadent chocolate. He lowers his head even more until he is right by her ear, "Don't think me so terrible that I would not _repay_ you for your help." There is a certain inflection in the way he says repay that causes Hotaru's eyes to widen. "I would be anything you wanted. A confidante, a friend, even a lover—if you so choose."

How cruel he is to flaunt the things she truly desires the most, most likely knowing they are beyond her reach.

"It would be our little secret."

And Hotaru's head is filled with thoughts of fear and hesitation and possible betrayal and weakness and anger toward herself and chocolate and—

And when little girls fall, someone should help them back up and hold them if they cry.

**My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirred,  
And I myself see not the bottom of it.**

**Achilles, **_**Troilus and Cressida**_

—_—_

He leaves. He comes back. Hotaru never actually gives an answer to his request, but she silently reasons that he is slowly trying to break her down, forge his way through all her fortified walls until he finds her very core, and by then she would not have the strength to deny him anymore.

But this is all her speculation, and what she thinks is entirely different from what she truly knows.

Still, the bleak idea always lingers in the deep recesses of her thoughts, and it subtly pricks and pricks and pricks at her present thoughts until she find herself back in reality, not wanting to hear it anymore. She is sitting on her bed, legs bent and chin resting on top of her knees, and her eyes wander toward the bookcase in her spacious room.

He is standing there, one hand idly rubbing his chin while the other rests on his slightly bent knee. The idea that he is actually interested in what she reads flits in between her other thoughts, and she quickly dismisses it.

He notices her eyes on him and he straightens himself, his tail _shwishing_ back and forth. She watches as he walks toward her bed before languidly stretching his body across the bed as though he owned it. He props his head with one arm. There is a question in his eyes, and she recognizes it instantaneously.

She does not answer, and he seems unaffected by her lack of either acquiescence or rejection.

Hotaru eyes him wearily before stating, "You are very persistent, Youko Kurama."

He smirks once more, "A flower must be given the time it needs to bloom fully, Little Princess." It's a romantic notion—the kind of thing a woman would hope her lover would say to her.

But Hotaru recognizes the underlying meaning: he is patient and he will wait for her to fall.

**There's rue for you. And here's some for me.**

**Ophelia**_**, Hamlet**_

—_—_

He is there when she wants him to be. He is there when she does not want him to be.

And when she is desperately trying to drown out the sounds of her parents' argument—one that is unusually louder than most—she realizes that the moments in which she does not want his presence are the ones in which she needs him to be there the most.

Because only he sees her on the ground, covering her ears with her hands, and only he crouches down beside her and holds her as she silently cries into his shoulder. Hotaru is not a princess and she is not a warrior and she is not a little girl anymore because Youko Kurama _sees_ and _hears_ her.

And perhaps she _is_ giving in too easily to this dark web Youko wove around her. Perhaps she has fallen too easily for his dark promises, allowing him to use her deepest desire against her.

The argument comes to an end. There is a bitter taste even in Hotaru's mouth because, without looking up, she knows the question will be there in his eyes. It really is rather simple. All she has to do is take him there. Then he is on his own. And she will have betrayed not only her duty as a princess but also her duty as a Senshi.

She looks up at him, and he can probably see in her eyes that she is selfless enough that she would not take him but selfish enough that she doesn't want him to go. Still, he is unfazed. And Hotaru will not delude herself into thinking that he is staying for her.

She has not bloomed yet, and he will no longer ask her. He will simply wait.

**To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first.**

**Norfolk, **_**Henry VIII**_

—_—_

They say that the Moon Princess has fallen in love with the Prince of Earth, and there is dissension in the air. Similarly, no one wishes to acknowledge that the Queen of Saturn may be pregnant once more. But these are just ugly truths so everyone just casts them off as rumors meant to spoil the peaceful air.

Hotaru does not comment on the silence that stretches across the entire course of dinner.

Later that evening, Youko tells her not to pay any attention to the rumors because that's all they are.

And Hotaru knows that he is lying to her, accepts his false words, and clings helplessly to them.

**I do not ask you much,  
I beg cold comfort.**

**John, **_**King John**_

—_—_

Hotaru is of marriageable age, and Hotaru realizes that she is more like parents than she will ever care to admit.

She meets many suitors from different kingdoms; she will have to choose one of them, but if she does not, one will be chosen for her. And Hotaru thinks of her mother, who could not give away her heart to any of those overly-qualified young men because it was not her heart to give away anymore. And Hotaru thinks of her father, who must deal with the burden of a loveless marriage because there is no one who will accept his heart.

And Hotaru thinks of herself as she smiles prettily at the young suitor with bright, innocent blue eyes. He smiles back, and he tells her that her parents look very lovely together and he hopes that if she should choose him they would have such an agreeable marriage. Hotaru still smiles even though she knows that he does not _see_ her.

And pretty little girls are meant to be seen but not heard. (_But even then, not everyone sees them_)

And the House of Saturn is one of many secrets.

He spies a dainty flower growing in the bush, one of the very few that could survive on the less-than-forgiving planet, and moves to pluck it as a gift for the princess. He is talking to her so he does not see the serpentine-like vine lash out and whip his outstretched hand. He yelps and pulls his hand back, while Hotaru looks away.

She is smiling, but secretly Hotaru wants to laugh and cry and smile even more and yell and so desperately to taste chocolate. She doesn't, of course. She simply smiles prettily.

Later, after her blue-eyed suitor leaves, Hotaru finds her father sitting in front of the fireplace. He is alone with a glass of wine in his hand as he stares at the flame. It is dancing and flickering and crackling and taunting. Hotaru sees her father and he is alone.

And Youko Kurama would be anything she wanted him to be. A confidante, a friend, even a lover—if she so chooses.

Many thoughts flit through her mind like the birds that she has never seen before but knows exist on Earth:

She wants to know why it is that little girls are only meant to be seen but not heard.

Wants to know why her parents could not have fallen in love or learn to love.

Know why chocolate must taste so sinful at the times she is weakest.

Why she couldn't fall deep into pools of innocent blue.

And as skilled fingers tactfully skim up and down her sides, Hotaru is vaguely aware of another stray thought that flutters around in her mind.

How long does it take for a flower to bloom fully?

'**Tis one thing to be tempted…  
Another thing to fall.**

**Angelo, **_**Measure for Measure**_

—_—_

Hotaru wants to think that she is fair. That she has an unwavering sense of loyalty. That she will not be anything like her mother or father. And above all, that there is no impending war between the Earth and the Moon.

But if she were to be completely honest with herself—and she finds it very difficult to do so in his presence—she could see her own flaws as clearly as she sees her reflection. Hotaru is an observant individual; her tutor often tells her that it is a good trait to have and not a good trait to have.

And she knows. She is not. She does not. She most likely will be. And above all, innocent people may die.

**Every subject's duty is the King's, but every subject's soul is his own.**

**Henry, **_**Henry V**_

—_—_

Hotaru has reached the precipice of her life. She could look over the edge, but she will never know how long it takes to reach the bottom. She is teetering, and she could lean forward and no one would have to know as she falls and falls and falls and _falls_.

_But Hotaru _is_ a Princess._

_But Hotaru _is_ a Senshi._

_And Hotaru _is not_ a little girl anymore._

And Hotaru never looks back over the edge.

He waits for her in the shadowed corridor where they first meet. He is there when she wants him to be. He is there when she does not want him to be.

Hotaru knows this day would come—knows it like she knows that senseless war would come from Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion's love, knows it like she knows the infant growing in her mother's womb is not her father's child.

She breathes and cherishes it like a last breath and looks him in the eye. He is curious; his tail restlessly shwishes back and forth. She almost loses her nerve, but Hotaru does not fall.

"The guards know you are here."

They both stand still, staring at each other. His eyes widen—momentarily, just momentarily—as he digests this little tidbit.

Silence.

And he _sees_ her, knows her and does not know her.

He knows her—_I was a little girl, lost and all alone, and I would have given anything to feel loved_—and does not know her—_Though you never pushed, you were letting me fall, and I will not let you use me anymore_.

Hotaru often tells herself that lying is at times a necessary vice to hide pain even from oneself. (But lying is still a sin and one should always repent for ones sins)

He takes a step back as the black hole appears behind him, and for the first time, Hotaru allows herself to see him. And Hotaru sees fury and disappointment and confusion and betrayal and—

And she _sees_ him, knows him and does not know him.

**The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,  
But in ourselves…**

**Cassius, **_**Julius Caesar**_

—_—_

And love, Princess Hotaru realizes, is perfection in the most imperfect form. It is seen in the way a Queen and a peasant share fleeting moments, knowing they could never really be together. It is seen in the way a King looks away, knowing her love would never be his. It is seen in the way a King and a Queen can put aside their faults for the sake of their people, knowing that the needs of one should never precede the needs of many.

For Hotaru, it is seen in the way a rose blooms almost magically on a planet that would never have seen to its survival, knowing it could never hope to outshine the love Hotaru has for her people.

And as Hotaru continues to ponder the philosophical meaning of what it _is_ to love, she finds herself absentmindedly cradling the rose between her fingers, still mindful of its thorns.

**The worst fault you have is to be in love**

**Jaques, **_**As You Like It**_


	2. Interlude: Sake Under a Blue Moon

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Yu Yu Hakusho

**Interlude: Sake Under a Blue Moon**

"There's rosemary, that's for remembrance: pray, love, remember..."

Ophelia, _Hamlet_

* * *

Youko Kurama never speaks of why he failed to retrieve the Silver Crystal, and Kuronue never sees fit to ask.

His fragmented thoughts are as scattered as the stars in the sky. And slowly, they become focused and begin revolving around the Little Princess. His thoughts are something like this:

_When she ended their little game—warned the guards of his presence and, thereby, cutting off all future encounters—he remembers feeling fury…and disappointment…and confusion…and betrayal…and—_

He abandons his reflection because delving further would ultimately lead to something dangerous. And although he constantly faces danger by leading this lifestyle, he is completely aware that this is a new type of danger to be weary of, to skirt cautiously around and ultimately avoid. So perhaps the Little Princess had done them both a favor.

And perhaps Youko Kurama could do with a distraction, something with blue or green eyes. Kuronue would probably not have minded a trip into the village.

But Youko doesn't realize that his absentminded gaze is directed at something beyond the strangely blue-hued moon. Kuronue wonders indecisively if he should comment on this but eventually chooses to offer the kitsune a small ceramic saucer filled with sake instead.

There is an amicable silence. And the summer night air is filled with the scents of Youko's personally grown plants and sake. And past the slightly sake-induced haze and thoughts of blue or green eyes, Youko wants to look down at violet eyes.

Then he says, "It probably wouldn't have worked anyway."

Kuronue looks to his friend with his head tilted to the side.

"The precious Moon Princess is in love with the Prince of Earth. War will break out, and the security around the Silver Crystal would've been doubled or tripled."

Kuronue nods his head indulgently and does not mention that all these reasons would have added to the thrill, the fun, the excitement… He does not even go further to say that, had Youko done his job, they would've had the crystal before all these factors would have even become an issue. These are the words that die on Kuronue's tongue as he takes a sip of sake.

These are the words that linger in Youko's mind and leave his voice unconvincing and feeble even to his own ears.

And his thoughts are something like this:

_His Little Princess is something of an enigma. Youko Kurama enjoys a good puzzle, something that should be solved with diligence and care. Youko Kurama also enjoys a pretty face._

_And she does look so pretty with that determined look in her eyes as she thinks to deny him when he demands that she take him to the Moon._

_Here is the Princess trying to be the Soldier trying to be Hotaru… trying, trying, and trying…to be… Youko Kurama is, above all, extremely perceptive. And underneath it all, Youko can see that even she does not know who she is. Because there is a time and place to be the first, an occasion to be the second, and never a moment to be the last._

_Youko Kurama would only admit this to himself later on (much later on), but this last part of her—one that is so hidden and buried away from the world and herself—is the part that Youko wants to unravel, to see to it that it outshines the other parts, and to make irrevocably his._

Youko's hazy eyes look away from the blue-hued moon—and everything beyond it. There is nothing there, and he is not searching.


End file.
